- Chubby
- Rubenesque
- Overweight
- Portly
- Obese
Yes, I am. In the past I have been thinner. I have dieted, exercised, and devoted most of my waking hours to make myself smaller that I think I'm intended to be. I have flirted with bulemia. (I remember taking my daily 5 mile walk during a tornado warning because "no stinking storm is going to make me get fat again".)
And at the time I liked it. I looked good, I found shopping for clothing almost pleasant, and people were nicer to me.
But age, genetics, anti-depressants (and that may be a whole other post), psychological factors, and just plain old laziness have all contributed to my present weight. A number I will only disclose under extreme torture.
I have always obsessed about my weight. It seems that my self esteem and the number I see on the scale have an inverse relationship. If I had a dollar for every time I told myself, "I would wear that/go there/do that if I was thin", I would be a rich woman.
Awhile back I came across something on YouTube that got me thinking a little. It's called A Fat Rant. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA
I've got to say, this woman rocks! I love her attitude, her spirit. She doesn't let something as superficial as our predominant culture's opinion of physical appearance get in the way of living her life. No excuses. Get on with it already. It reminds me of that Big Boned Girl song. Or that wonderful poem, "Ode to My Hips".
It is easy in this day and age to feel ashamed of not fitting the popular image of what is beautiful, particularly if you happen to be female.
And shame is an ugly thing. Alice Walker defines it as an injury to the soul. Maybe, just maybe, it isn't how some of us look, but rather, how we feel about ourselves that is unattractive.
Perhaps if our souls were allowed to heal, if we saw ourselves as our Creator sees us, full of beautiful possibilities, we could make peace with, and nurture our bodies. And that, I think, is truly beautiful.
6 comments:
I can so totally relate to this post - thank you so much for sharing.
Amen sista! I was a skinny minnie until I got married...I have pretty much struggled with my weight my whole adult life.(especially after kids). I am determined to get it off and can totally relate to your frustrations. Thanks for the great words in your blog.
AMEN!!
WOOHOOO!! I am FAT! I love it...thanks so much for sharing this link it was great!!!
What a heartfelt post; one I can totally relate too (and I'm sure many others can). Thank you!
oh my! laurel...I'm right there with you sister. Thanks for sharing...it makes the burden easier to carry when you're not the only one holding on. have a great weekend!
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